Spoke to my close pal over the weekend and discovered how perspective differs even if given a similar situation. Verdict, she thinks most guys are jerks. I read a book on commitment phobic before - some academics posits that commitment passives and commitment actives tend to gravitate towards each other;
To be fair, I've met some pretty nice guys out there. I guess it boils down to "is he Mr Right right now or not at all?" You see, its true that time waits for no man (or in this case, woman); situations change and with time thoughts and feelings change.
That's why I think as mature adults (I hope to think we all ARE!), we have two choices - do something about it and take action or just wait (worst of all, most of us tend to procrastinate or 'escape' hoping that whatever that is nipping us in the butt will just disappear). I guess its true that, with time, you will discover (or uncover) the true strength of a person's character.
Where am I heading with this, you may ask? The answer is FAITH. Sometimes all we see is just our own perspective. I'd still remember what mum used to say, "If you pray and stay close to the Almighty, he will remain close to you, closer than your jugular vein" (Qur'an)
I'll end my note with this lovely poem:
To believe
To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe.
PS:
1. Good luck cousin to your exams *hugs*
2. "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love, it is the prerogative of the brave" – Mahatma Gandhi
Monday, June 28, 2004
Friday, June 25, 2004
Be A Survivor, Not An Escapist!
I had a meaningful conversation with someone who I look up to and have total respect for where work passion is concerned. I aspire to be like him when I have my Masters in ID in the future. He taught me a valuable lesson about belief in oneself. He said, "You have to be survivor, not an escapist. Have to learn, adapt and evolve"... A profound yet simple statement, indeeed.
Time now - 9.52pm! I have to log off soon or I might as well camp in the office. That's the challenge with project management - too much paperwork! One wrong entry (thanks to the 'beauty' of Microsoft Project), and your timeline is screwed! But I know at the back of my mind I have to get all requirements in place (heavy responsibility huh?) *grit my teeth*
Also today, I realized that my boss trusts me to make judgement calls usually made by 'people at the top'. I thank him for his 'faith' in me. As much as I hate project management work (my passion is Instructional Design), I know that in this 'cruel' world, you need either paper qualification or years of experience (or both!) to be respected. Hence, I will save up enough to pursue what I need to do to get to my goal!
I end my note with this reflective poem about being a survivor (face your 'enemies' head on, Azzah!):
Power of Pain
I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me, but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear, but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.
There is too much fear inside.
Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the apprehension paralyzes me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything, it all starts over again.
Thump, thump, thump
My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.
Beads of sweat
Racing, falling. running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colors.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.
Hope, pray, win
PS: "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" – Martin Luther King Jr
Time now - 9.52pm! I have to log off soon or I might as well camp in the office. That's the challenge with project management - too much paperwork! One wrong entry (thanks to the 'beauty' of Microsoft Project), and your timeline is screwed! But I know at the back of my mind I have to get all requirements in place (heavy responsibility huh?) *grit my teeth*
Also today, I realized that my boss trusts me to make judgement calls usually made by 'people at the top'. I thank him for his 'faith' in me. As much as I hate project management work (my passion is Instructional Design), I know that in this 'cruel' world, you need either paper qualification or years of experience (or both!) to be respected. Hence, I will save up enough to pursue what I need to do to get to my goal!
I end my note with this reflective poem about being a survivor (face your 'enemies' head on, Azzah!):
Power of Pain
I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me, but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear, but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.
There is too much fear inside.
Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the apprehension paralyzes me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything, it all starts over again.
Thump, thump, thump
My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.
Beads of sweat
Racing, falling. running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colors.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.
Hope, pray, win
PS: "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" – Martin Luther King Jr
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Meaningful Choices
Thanks Ron for this meaningful insights via a lovely poem. We make choices every day; granted we made mistakes along the way (we are only human). The important point is what do we take away with us out of that experience of glory/failure/joy/sadness?
If we are looking at the far-reaching eternity (of say perfection for some; btw there is no such thing!), we lose sight of what is important to us NOW.
Choose we must - cherish what we have now and make small progresses along the way or deny the experience and give up. What's your choice?
I am reminded of a quote from Buddha, "He is able who thinks he is able". Is it all a mindgame?
Winter's Roads
I cannot speak for all who stem
Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
By words they spoke and did not say.
Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.
From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den on roads
I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.
This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.
But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.
For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.
If we are looking at the far-reaching eternity (of say perfection for some; btw there is no such thing!), we lose sight of what is important to us NOW.
Choose we must - cherish what we have now and make small progresses along the way or deny the experience and give up. What's your choice?
I am reminded of a quote from Buddha, "He is able who thinks he is able". Is it all a mindgame?
Winter's Roads
I cannot speak for all who stem
Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
By words they spoke and did not say.
Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.
From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den on roads
I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.
This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.
But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.
For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Welcome Home My Dear Friend
In the midst of my hectic work, my mobile rang and surprise surprise, its my dear friend who is back from a well-deserved vacation! Just two weeks back, I was scrambling for the Myanmar embassy number, nudged by another close friend, to check if she is in the "dead/missing person list" due to the recent cyclone there (you see, cyclone is rare in this part of the world). Verdict - she was fine (she emailed her mum and we got the news) Alhamdulillah! (Thank GOD!)
What I learnt from this episode was that we never know the worth of 'water' till the well is dry; We don't know the worth of that person until he/she is gone, which in this case, she was... ALMOST.
Given the unpredictability of life especially now (with all the 'morbidity'), I hope that I can live each day to the fullest and appreciate more the people who matters to me, even if it means calling to say "hello", smiling and saying "thank you" (like mum has been so kind as to cook my lunch for me every day), etc.
The only regret I would have is not to say what I mean at that instant. People who matters to me used to say that I am 'mental' to the point of being 'clinical' when faced with a situation; I am too caught up thinking of the cause and effect, overlooking the underlying emotions as to why things turned out the way it did. My cousin used to tell me that sometimes people just want me to hear them out without getting into the analytics. A friend of mine used to say that at times I should be more 'random' in life rather than treat it like work. Aptly said indeed.
I thank them for their frank honesty and take their constructive feedback to better myself. Allow me to I leave you with this heart warming poem (thanks to Sandra Sturtz Hauss)
“These Are My Wishes For You”
May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.
May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.
May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.
May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.
Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form.
May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time in each day to see beauty and love in the world around you.
Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard you may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.
May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments.
May you always feel loved.
What I learnt from this episode was that we never know the worth of 'water' till the well is dry; We don't know the worth of that person until he/she is gone, which in this case, she was... ALMOST.
Given the unpredictability of life especially now (with all the 'morbidity'), I hope that I can live each day to the fullest and appreciate more the people who matters to me, even if it means calling to say "hello", smiling and saying "thank you" (like mum has been so kind as to cook my lunch for me every day), etc.
The only regret I would have is not to say what I mean at that instant. People who matters to me used to say that I am 'mental' to the point of being 'clinical' when faced with a situation; I am too caught up thinking of the cause and effect, overlooking the underlying emotions as to why things turned out the way it did. My cousin used to tell me that sometimes people just want me to hear them out without getting into the analytics. A friend of mine used to say that at times I should be more 'random' in life rather than treat it like work. Aptly said indeed.
I thank them for their frank honesty and take their constructive feedback to better myself. Allow me to I leave you with this heart warming poem (thanks to Sandra Sturtz Hauss)
“These Are My Wishes For You”
May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.
May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.
May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.
May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.
Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form.
May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time in each day to see beauty and love in the world around you.
Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard you may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.
May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments.
May you always feel loved.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Exam Results!
What a way to end the day! I came back to my office after a long meeting at my client's place, logged into my online uni portal and saw my MBA exam results - 88%! Alhamdulillah (Thank GOD). Am just glad that I still have the stamina to juggle work, studies and play.
My next dream is to complete the Masters of Science, Instructional Design certification from Carenegie-Mellon (any sponsors out there?) for a truly fulfilling dream career. There is no end to learning and this thirst of learning keeps me going, making each day a fulfilling day.
Time: 9pm... time to log off.
PS:
1. "To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream; not only plan but also believe" - Anatole France
2. "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" – Dolly Parton
My next dream is to complete the Masters of Science, Instructional Design certification from Carenegie-Mellon (any sponsors out there?) for a truly fulfilling dream career. There is no end to learning and this thirst of learning keeps me going, making each day a fulfilling day.
Time: 9pm... time to log off.
PS:
1. "To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream; not only plan but also believe" - Anatole France
2. "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" – Dolly Parton
Monday, June 07, 2004
Monday bluezzz
Wohoo! Finally my very own online scrapbook, Alhamdu lillah! (Thank God)
Syukran (thank you) to my sista, Ayn for having the patience with good old me haha *wink*
I want to share my fave poem of all time (someone used to say I am a sentimental fool, nutz about poetry!) -
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning~
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
To me, this is how life should be (pardon my wicked sense of relating things!; hey its MY perspective yarh! :P), living with passion in all that we do, not just love for others but most importantly love for oneself first coz if you think about it, how would it be possible for you to extend true happiness and love to others when you cannot love yourself. Cliche? Perhaps.
Life is short, they say. So my motto is live life to the fullest with passion and most importantly, not just think of today but 'tomorrow'... life after death. They say life on earth is only a temporary playground; its what you invest in life after death that is more worthwhile. Don't catch the drift? Then, stay tune coz there's more to come, my friend
Mata raishu (Cya) :)
PS: Happy belated birthday, Des (060673) and Happy birthday, dad (070649).
Syukran (thank you) to my sista, Ayn for having the patience with good old me haha *wink*
I want to share my fave poem of all time (someone used to say I am a sentimental fool, nutz about poetry!) -
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning~
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
To me, this is how life should be (pardon my wicked sense of relating things!; hey its MY perspective yarh! :P), living with passion in all that we do, not just love for others but most importantly love for oneself first coz if you think about it, how would it be possible for you to extend true happiness and love to others when you cannot love yourself. Cliche? Perhaps.
Life is short, they say. So my motto is live life to the fullest with passion and most importantly, not just think of today but 'tomorrow'... life after death. They say life on earth is only a temporary playground; its what you invest in life after death that is more worthwhile. Don't catch the drift? Then, stay tune coz there's more to come, my friend
Mata raishu (Cya) :)
PS: Happy belated birthday, Des (060673) and Happy birthday, dad (070649).
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